


You Matter to Me

by icandrawamoth



Series: Kinktober 2017 [16]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Developing Relationship, F/M, Feelings, Getting Together, Kinktober, Kinktober 2017, Love Confessions, POV Cassian Andor, Post-Rogue One, Song Lyrics, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 23:48:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12468716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icandrawamoth/pseuds/icandrawamoth
Summary: Cassian squeezes Jyn's hand, heart pounding in his chest. “I think you care, too. And I think, like me, you're scared to admit it. I know you. You're still wearing this mask: you're scared, and you want to run away from this. Don't.”





	You Matter to Me

**Author's Note:**

> The other day, I was listening to the Waitress concept album while doing dishes, "You Matter to Me" came on, and it started screaming Rebelcaptain at me, so I wrote it. [Seriously, go listen to it.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU1gKmZYFVc)
> 
> For Kinktober day sixteen prompt "masks." It's 100% an alternate interpretation, but it worked for me.

_Because you matter to me_  
_Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody_  
_You matter to me_  
_I promise you do, you, you matter too_  
_I promise you do, you see?_  
_You matter to me_

 

“Don't go.”

Jyn turns with a raised eyebrow from where she's about to step onto the transport that will take her away from the Rebellion and drop her off at whatever planet she had requested. “Didn't we already say goodbye?” she asks midly.

They had. And Cassian had thought he meant it, thought he was ready to watch Jyn walk away. Truth be told, he understood her. She had never wanted this life, had been drawn into the mission to retrieve the Death Star plans against her will, and now that she's survived it, she wants her freedom again. But now that he's actually about to see the back of her...he just can't.

“Please.” He bites his lip, everything inside him resisting the urge to say more. He isn't supposed to be feeling this way. He doesn't let himself to connect to people like this – he doesn't let himself _fall in love_.

Jyn takes a step toward him, an unreadable look on her face. “I'm not needed here anymore,” she tells him. “It's time for me to leave.” She tosses her head. “The Death Star is gone. The Rebellion has a Jedi now. No one is going to miss me. It's not like I matter.”

“I will.”

Jyn's gaze sharpens.

Cassian's hand darts out to take hers before he can rethink the move. “You matter to me.”

Jyn stares at their joined hands as if she can't quite understand. Her eyes flick up to his, and he says a quick prayer though he doesn't believe in any gods that he won't start shaking.

“You have a home here,” he tells her plainly. “Not just with the Rebellion – though you know they need every body they can get. They'd love to see you stay. But so would I.”

She tilts her head a little, brow furrowing, and he realizes he hasn't clarified anything. He watches her defenses go back up, a sinking feeling in his gut. She cuts her gaze back to their hands, starts to disentangle hers. “I don't know what this-”

He grabs her hand, keeps her close. “What happened on the beach,” he stumbles, growing more desperate to make her see, “it wasn't just adrenaline or being afraid of dying.”

She looks at him again, and she almost seems scared. Neither of them had expected to survive that day on Scarif: when their lips had met as they embraced on the beach, they both thought they were saying goodbye forever.

“I care about you,” he presses on, feeling more vulnerable than he ever has. But he has to get this out there. “More than I ever have for anyone. I don't want you to leave. You said you weren't used to people sticking around. I'm here, now, and I want you to be, too.”

“Cassian...” Her eyes dart away.

He squeezes her hand, heart pounding in his chest. “I think you care, too. And I think, like me, you're scared to admit it. I know you. You're still wearing this mask: you're scared, and you want to run away from this. Don't.”

He half expects her to be angry, to jerk away from him at the truth of it, but she doesn't. She stays, hand in his, still looking.

He takes a breath, plays his final card. “Come with me. Let me show you how much I care.”

That breaks the tension. She snorts, succeeds in drawing her hand away, and plants both on her hips. “What, you're going to prove how much you like me by giving me a good fuck?”

“No, of course not.” Cassian is taken aback by the words, then a second later it dawns on him. Quick fucks with people who never truly loved her are probably all she's ever had. It makes him more determined. “I want to show you how much matter to me by making love to you.”

Her mouth drops open, works for a moment, probably with some derisive riposte, but she can't quite seem to get the words out. Finally, she manages, not completely without sarcasm, “How can a girl say no to that?”

It doesn't bother him. He knows he can break through to her true feelings if he keeps trying. And it starts now.

Cassian leans forward, cups her face in his palms and draws her in for a kiss, gentle, chaste.

Jyn hesitates for a long moment, frozen, before she finally responds.

When Cassian finally steps back, he offers her a hand. “Come with me,” he says again. She takes it.

Cassian leads her back to his room, and when the door is closed behind them, he pushes her against it gently, kissing her again, feeling her arms go around him. He runs his lips down her neck and murmurs in the hot, sweat-damp space there, “I've never let myself feel this way about anyone.”

He think he hears her breathe _Me either_ , or perhaps he only dreamed it. They undress, and with her clothes, some of her hardened facade seems to drop away. She looks vulnerable again, and Cassian wants so badly to make her comfortable, to make her see how wonderful she is.

He presses kisses all over her body, worshipping every beautiful inch of skin as it's revealed. When he makes his way back up to her lips, she kisses him back long and deep before stepping away, and it's her that tugs him toward the bed. “Make love to me, Cassian,” she murmurs, and there's a dare in her eyes.

He does. They take to the bed together, and he continues his ministrations, more attentive, more obsessive, more selfless than he's ever been with anyone. By the time he finally, finally has a condom on and is sliding into her, she's already trembling from pleasure, calling out his name as she clutches at him desperately.

It can't last, not with this much emotion, and soon they're both lost to pleasure, first Jyn, then Cassian. They lay together, panting rougly. Cassian eases an arm around her, draws her close again. There are tears on her lashes. Would she want him to mention it?

“I've never...like that,” she manages after a while, head resting on his chest. She can't quite meet his eyes. “I wasn't expecting that.”

“I love you,” Cassian murmurs, the words so plain, but he's already said them in so many ways, why should this make any difference?

“I know.” She squeezes her eyes closed for a moment, then looks up at him with a tiny smile. “I think I could get used to that. I could get there, too.”

It's enough. Cassian wouldn't want her to say anything she was uncomfortable with.

They fall silent. Her finger draws mindless patterns on his chest as he strokes her bare shoulder. It's strangely comfortable.

“I'm not used to mattering,” she admits finally. “With Saw, I was another soldier. When I was on my own, I was just this troublemaking girl nobody wanted anything to do with. Then the Rebellion wanted me to get at my father. Now you. It's hard to believe.”

Cassian knows the feeling. He's merely a cog in the machine himself, just another Rebel who could (and will) be easily replaced when he falls. He doesn't even have real friends onbase; no one would mourn him as more than the loss of a body to be put to use for the cause.

“You matter to me, too,” Jyn continues softly, like she's admitting something, and the words hit him harder than he expected. “All of this time, I've just been thinking of when I'd be done here, trying to figure out when I could run away again. Now, maybe...”

“You'd consider staying?” He doesn't want her to do it just for him of course; if she'd be happier free than tied to him and the Rebellion, he wants that for her. Yet he thinks she might like being a part of this more than she's willing to admit.

She's quiet for a long moment before she levers herself up to kiss him once more. “I don't have to leave today,” she decides.


End file.
